Six months have passed (as of April 2020) since relocating to Whitehorse (on Oct 2019) and I was missing something. I was not as settled as I was back in Nunavut. I did not see myself living in this city for the long term and I couldn't put my finger on the exact cause. Though, I was also getting travel fatigue ... yes, that is possible after being on the road for 10+ years!
The city has amazing mountains, views, outdoor activities near and far. I also, slowly started building up a core community. However, something just wasn't sitting well.
It also did not help that I felt underutilized in my work. While I made the most of my training days and admin tasks, I just felt like missing out on 'stuff'. And then COVID happened - and I continued to feel sidelined and missing out on stuff (aka: the action). However, Ontario on the other hand was needing help, needing everyone's help, including nurses! BINGO! My ticket home.
Without much more thought to this longing, I packed up, waved goodbye to Whitehorse, and started my 5-day journey back to Ontario-io-io-ioooooo!
I would call myself quite experienced in knee-jerk reaction to uprooting my life across-oceans, rivers, and various distances by land, when the need was there. However, I was dreading to drive across Canada from the beginning. So much so, that I flew my stuff and self to Whitehorse on my relocation in October 2019. I planned to drive, and somehow ran out of time and ended up flying instead. Dreaded the thought of driving. Once in Whitehorse, I knew I would drive home when the time came but even when the time did come, I remained dreading it. It was as if my nomadic lifestyle was ready to settle and hibernate from this point moving forward.
March 30, 2020, it was time, and I was still 100% dreading the drive. But in order to keep colleagues, friends and most of all my parents calm and trusting of my decision to drive home during COVID-19 lockdown, I was still resisting the idea ... never before I had to convince my own self that no matter how much you fear this task, you just have to do it. Same song, different challenge.
The fear came from several issues I knew I could not control, but will have to problem solve and trouble shoot as things appeared and my journey unfolded. Though I LOVE driving, especially long distance, I hated the idea of breaking down somewhere in Canada. In the middle of a lockdown and assuming very little folks on the road. I have a habit of visualizing my decisions prior to implementation and it usually suits the situation well. My intuition was getting the best of me and fear was on the surface of my visualization of this particular journey and decision.
Just hated the thought.
So I stopped thinking about it. Did an amazing pre-trip check list and wrote to my parents about it. I also told them no phone calls during my drives due to limited phone towers. Plus, I wanted limited exposure to my own worries and annoyances which I had to manage myself. No outside support unless it was encouragement.
Knowing how many moving pieces I had to check off and think about - I did not feel relaxed to talk about them. I did not want to sound anxious, and I did not want much criticism either. Mostly, I wanted to re-assure my parents I knew exactly what I was doing even thought I was dreading the entire process. So, I wrote about all the moving pieces: the car and my checkup results, the road and locations I plan to stop, the distances I plan to cover, the stuff in the car, the stuff I'll do along the way, etc. I also wrote and explained to them a bit about COVID, what I knew, and how I prepared for soft boarder closures, in case they were put in effect. Early April is when Justin Trudeau closed the US boarders, and were talking about implementing the Emergency Act as needed. While the Emergency Act was passed in the leg (legislature), it was not yet implemented. However, in order to be extra prepared, I printed my Yukon and Ontario nursing license in case I got stopped on the road at possible checkpoints along each province/territorial boarder.
I kind of felt like enemy of the state, as I was doing everything public health experts and federal/provincial/territorial governments were recommending against. And these are my peers. But, I maintained an optimistic frame of mind, and as a registered nurse in Ontario, I was returning to my resident province and in hopes to help with this response.
Fear and dread in my belly, but trying ever so hard to keep an optimistic heart, I hit the road on April 3rd, 2020 at 7 or 8 am - I cannot remember now. It was early :) Got some coffee and breaky for me, and Matrix got some very affordable gas at 105/L. This journey started with affordable fuel for all.
The pedometer in Matrix read 120,000 km exactly as I was leaving Whitehorse. This put a smile on my face because I knew that at the end of this journey it will read approx 125,300 when I can say that I am finally home. I also dreaded this knowing that I have to average about a 1,000km per day. So naturally my brain started thinking about motivational techniques:
In my head the dialogue goes something like this: "Take 1,000 - divide by 4, so about 250kms is my motivation to re-fuel and take a pee break. If I can avg about 250kms before each stop I should be able to make it. But 200kms is just as good, because then I can have 5 stops a day - and this means that I can cover the first 400kms before lunch, then eat lunch while driving, then cover the next 200, and the last 400kms are then rest of the day." Paraphrased but pretty accurate content.
This conversation was not just on day 1. I had to repeat this motivational dialogue every morning, and at 600kms every day. Between 400-600kms were my hardest struggle both physically and mentally. It took place around 2-4pm and this is when I wanted to quit, every day, same time, same distance. I managed to compensate with signing, eating sunflower seeds, and Gatorade. These things were consumed by alternating. It started to feel like re-fueling during a marathon though I have only completed triathlons during my early 20s. Back then, I completed a few 10km races and triathlons but managed to get the job done without needing much refueling. Back then I was just focused to getting the job done. Driving however, while focused to get the job done, I very much needed energy boosts to keep physically awake. I kept telling myself: "Just make it to 600kms, and then life will get easier!" And it seemed like it did each day, as if a second wave of energy-burst came over me. The last 400kms always seemed to just disappear. Every day was the same, roll into a city, find a motel and crash.
I would write and update to mom and dad just so they knew where I was and how my day went. I did not call them during my first 3-4 days because I did not want them to get alarmed by the phone ringing and I also did not want them to hear how tired and annoyed I was. I did enjoy the overall trip, but even today writing about it, it takes me back to the feelings of exhaustion and annoyance. Let me describe my days in a few more details below :)
Day 1 (April 3): Whitehorse to Fort Nelson
Starting my journey with Matrix packed up to the max, I fueled my first gas station with a discount. Not anticipating that this will be the BEST possible time to drive across an expensive country like Canada for one, gas will be cheap along the way!
Most of the traffic between Whitehorse, Watson lake and Fort Nelson were due west! I was literally the only car driving east. I was thinking this could be just happening in northern BC and there will be more cars along the way past there.
Knowing how many moving pieces I had to check off and think about - I did not feel relaxed to talk about them. I did not want to sound anxious, and I did not want much criticism either. Mostly, I wanted to re-assure my parents I knew exactly what I was doing even thought I was dreading the entire process. So, I wrote about all the moving pieces: the car and my checkup results, the road and locations I plan to stop, the distances I plan to cover, the stuff in the car, the stuff I'll do along the way, etc. I also wrote and explained to them a bit about COVID, what I knew, and how I prepared for soft boarder closures, in case they were put in effect. Early April is when Justin Trudeau closed the US boarders, and were talking about implementing the Emergency Act as needed. While the Emergency Act was passed in the leg (legislature), it was not yet implemented. However, in order to be extra prepared, I printed my Yukon and Ontario nursing license in case I got stopped on the road at possible checkpoints along each province/territorial boarder.
I kind of felt like enemy of the state, as I was doing everything public health experts and federal/provincial/territorial governments were recommending against. And these are my peers. But, I maintained an optimistic frame of mind, and as a registered nurse in Ontario, I was returning to my resident province and in hopes to help with this response.
Fear and dread in my belly, but trying ever so hard to keep an optimistic heart, I hit the road on April 3rd, 2020 at 7 or 8 am - I cannot remember now. It was early :) Got some coffee and breaky for me, and Matrix got some very affordable gas at 105/L. This journey started with affordable fuel for all.
The pedometer in Matrix read 120,000 km exactly as I was leaving Whitehorse. This put a smile on my face because I knew that at the end of this journey it will read approx 125,300 when I can say that I am finally home. I also dreaded this knowing that I have to average about a 1,000km per day. So naturally my brain started thinking about motivational techniques:
(*Yellow points are where I crashed for the night - I can still feel the exhaustion from the drive)
In my head the dialogue goes something like this: "Take 1,000 - divide by 4, so about 250kms is my motivation to re-fuel and take a pee break. If I can avg about 250kms before each stop I should be able to make it. But 200kms is just as good, because then I can have 5 stops a day - and this means that I can cover the first 400kms before lunch, then eat lunch while driving, then cover the next 200, and the last 400kms are then rest of the day." Paraphrased but pretty accurate content.
This conversation was not just on day 1. I had to repeat this motivational dialogue every morning, and at 600kms every day. Between 400-600kms were my hardest struggle both physically and mentally. It took place around 2-4pm and this is when I wanted to quit, every day, same time, same distance. I managed to compensate with signing, eating sunflower seeds, and Gatorade. These things were consumed by alternating. It started to feel like re-fueling during a marathon though I have only completed triathlons during my early 20s. Back then, I completed a few 10km races and triathlons but managed to get the job done without needing much refueling. Back then I was just focused to getting the job done. Driving however, while focused to get the job done, I very much needed energy boosts to keep physically awake. I kept telling myself: "Just make it to 600kms, and then life will get easier!" And it seemed like it did each day, as if a second wave of energy-burst came over me. The last 400kms always seemed to just disappear. Every day was the same, roll into a city, find a motel and crash.
I would write and update to mom and dad just so they knew where I was and how my day went. I did not call them during my first 3-4 days because I did not want them to get alarmed by the phone ringing and I also did not want them to hear how tired and annoyed I was. I did enjoy the overall trip, but even today writing about it, it takes me back to the feelings of exhaustion and annoyance. Let me describe my days in a few more details below :)
Day 1 (April 3): Whitehorse to Fort Nelson
Starting my journey with Matrix packed up to the max, I fueled my first gas station with a discount. Not anticipating that this will be the BEST possible time to drive across an expensive country like Canada for one, gas will be cheap along the way!
Caribou were keeping me company along the way!
Day 2: Fort Nelson to Edmonton
Traffic from Fort Nelson to Edmonton was yet again due west. I was the only so called lunatic driving east towards to COVID fire.
Traffic remains mostly due west. I remain the only car on the road going east.
Day 4: Brandon to Nipigon
Traffic is still mostly due west.
Ontario views - relaxed - motto on the sign Ontario: Open for Business :)
Visited friend in Thunder Bay - I ran out of steam at 8pm and could not make it to Longlac
Day 5: Nipigon to Sudbury
Stunning drive to Sudbury
- seen the great lakes before in 2012 when mom and dad drove me to Red Lake for a short nursing contract :)
- i was not planning to drive through the US
- so, an additional 100kms but I choose a straight road over winding any day
- Traffic is still due west
Canadian Tire - was not happy to serve me - but one gentleman looked under my car and said a zip-tie is all that's needed :)
My most fave apt in Toronto - and I hope to live there once again ...
Caribou on the road
Watson Lake
Watson Lake - Sign park
Watson Lake - Sign Park
Watson Lake - Here was my first check point - but it was only for cars traveling west. They did not care that I was leaving the territory. Goodbye Yukon, maybe see you in another life chapter :)
Thank you for my Matrix ...and to the lovely friends I left behind!
Muncho Lake and Toad River
Looking back as I'm writing this entry, the stretch between Muncho lake to Toad river was my most favourite part of the drive. It was also the most terrifying with herds and herds of bison. I knew that bison was part of this adventure but I was praying they would be off grazing somewhere else. And not standing in the middle of the road.
The first herd that came up on my journey and drove through, happened so fast ... I could not take my foot off the accelerator. It was scary, they were laying all over the road, and some of them were 2x the size of my Matrix. I was exhaling loudly as if a yoga breathing exercise. It was seriously scary.
The second herd, I was a tad more prepared but my legs were shaking again, even with the accelerator in full mode. I wasn't sure how flighty these massive animals were, hoping not at all like horses scare.
The picture is of the third bison herd! I thought to myself, no matter how scared, I need to have at least 1 photo to commemorate these gentle giants. I will forever remember how close they were ....and how little prepared I was if one of them decided to protect the heard from my tiny car.
The mountain range and road through them were breathtaking ....and these images don't do justice.
Enjoy anyways :)
Once in Fort Nelson, I found the first motel and crashed hard. My joints were experiencing phantom vibrations from the tires against the road. Day 1, made it and being horizontal never before felt so so great.
Day 2: Fort Nelson to Edmonton
Traffic from Fort Nelson to Edmonton was yet again due west. I was the only so called lunatic driving east towards to COVID fire.
I did not mind, knowing I would be closer to family and my nephews.
I did not have many plans, just hoped to get home without any car trouble.
Taylor, a tiny town, was my first time seeing natural gas and oil sands in my life. Huge structures, and mobile homes everywhere. The entire town was made of mobile homes.
Day 3: Edmonton to Brandon, MB
Bush fire sad memories
The leftover trees reminded me of toothpicks
Day 3: Edmonton to Brandon, MB
Traffic remains mostly due west. I remain the only car on the road going east.
As a person who enjoys social settings and meeting new people, I was surprisingly cheery to have the entire country to myself. I realized during this drive how lucky I am to experience the country in silence. Not many can even pay to have the experience I've been a witness to.
While reflecting on the many lives that were lost during this pandemic, I really appreciated the silence and being alone during my long days.
Edmonton greeted me with the same silence but also with additional beauties, of architectures. I love design and more so love buildings with design!
I was pleasantly surprised to see how beautiful some of the buildings are in the city. The hockey arena, main street and most of the high rise. Glad I got to see it without anyone honking at me for driving slowly as I admired each building.
But yet again, I arrived and crashed right away. Too tired and need to get ready for next day, doing the same same.
Saskatoon, Saskatchewan
Driving between Edmonton - Saskatoon - Brandon was long, flat and not much to report. While I'm told the summers are stunning on these flat lands, the winters match Ontario farm counties.
The only interesting thing occurred while driving is seeing the extra long trains. You did not know where it started nor ended... it just kept going for kilometers.
Day 4: Brandon to Nipigon
Traffic is still mostly due west.
Ontario views - relaxed - motto on the sign Ontario: Open for Business :)
Visited friend in Thunder Bay - I ran out of steam at 8pm and could not make it to Longlac
Day 5: Nipigon to Sudbury
Stunning drive to Sudbury
- seen the great lakes before in 2012 when mom and dad drove me to Red Lake for a short nursing contract :)
- i was not planning to drive through the US
- so, an additional 100kms but I choose a straight road over winding any day
- Traffic is still due west
Canadian Tire - was not happy to serve me - but one gentleman looked under my car and said a zip-tie is all that's needed :)
Silence for the rest of the way home
Day 0.5 Sudbury to Toronto and Guelph :)
- Pretty uneventful day
- Traffic is still only due west - as if I am going the wrong way lol
Day 0.5 Sudbury to Toronto and Guelph :)
- Pretty uneventful day
- Traffic is still only due west - as if I am going the wrong way lol
My most fave apt in Toronto - and I hope to live there once again ...
