Christmas in Romania - December 2011

Home for the Holidays

A wonderful Christmas Holiday with family and dear friends.  

One page a day

On this day, I had the funniest conversation with a dear friend of mine who is also a writing whiz in a way. Her and I were discussing how almost 2 years ago I kept promising that I will in fact 'write a book someday'. This day is seemingly farther than I anticipated 2 years ago.

So as we were discussing writing, I told Lacey about a TED talk where a guy introduced the idea of fast novel writing. I told Lacey, "This guy said: if you write every day, 30pages a day, you could complete a novel in a [very short amount of time] (I happen to forget the exact words, but I believe it was a few months)". We were both amazed at this idea, and thought gosh, if I just had the persistence to do something like this. The man in the TED video did warn us that his novel isn't anything earth shattering, however, it is a novel,a completed novel.

I have the outline, the ideas, thoughts and everything else written down. I feel ready. I just have to start. Anticipation has been building and I'm feeling worried that I don't know what I am doing. To ease my mental resistance, I am currently reading a book by Julia Cameron, The Right to Write (a Christmas present from Erin and Marcus, 2010, which I have left behind but now seemingly good idea to read). Boy, I was right! So far she has pointed out all the myths of writing and being to write, and what it truly means to be a write. To write do so regardless of judgement. Just do it and love what you do. And only you. It's not about being good for others.

As Lacey and I are discussing my dilemma further, and I am done explaining this amazing TED, she then gently replies with something never occurred to me till our chat. "You know, even if you only wrote a page a day, there would be a 365 page book ready in a year." I stopped, as if there was something earth shattering news being shared here. Why haven't I thought about this ? Gosh, it was so simple and inviting. Thanks to my dear friend, instead of wishing I could write a fast novel, I'm just aiming to have a page done each day. I think she too was told by someone else to try this method for writing, but I cannot remember exactly. She suggested something I am going to try this year.

As I am writing this post, it is Jan 21st and I have not attempted Lacey's suggestion (back in Jan 14th). It's funny how anticipating something doesn't actually help the writing process. Reading Julia, she's done a great job explaining some of the mental limitations which I too am currently experiencing. For now, I will fill up my head with her encouraging words, and then, I will begin.

Nagyi, my grandmother has been wonderful to have me over to her place during the holiday season. My head and my outline is filled with stories which I have captured during my visit with her. I believe my 2011 visit has been the only one with a laptop. Funny how I am aware of the changes which occur each time I visit my granny. I guess, it's much easier to keep tract of your actions when you arrive to a place which you have visited all your life since the age of 5. Visiting Granny has become like my measuring stick. While I am sitting with her and talking about life, it truly gives me an insight into what I have accomplished thus far, and where I am possibly going next.

The craziest thing for me is Granny's stories. As the years go by, I realize that I am growing and maturing through Gran's stories. She elaborates on her stories based on my age. I have noticed a transformation in her story telling. I remember back to the earlier stories she used to tell me about her childhood when I too was a child. But at this last visit, she was very open and comfortable with me to learn about her married life, her family life and the struggles which it brought with them. It did take me back just a little, as I had to process all of this, all of the transformation. I am now ready to digest both past and current stories and in the process I also feel ready to jot them down in chronological order.

Exciting times. First I finish Julia's book, and I openly promise to writing a page a day (if more happens to flow out of me, I will not resist to keep on writing).

Good luck to all your own writing, if in case you too are having some road blocks along the way.

R :-)

Nagyi's version

Agnes Eva Szilagyi, to you might look little and frail but boy! this woman is the definition of courage, strength and a mother to my uncle George and my mom, Eva Julianna Mares (Szilagyi). She is my granny (Nagyi), she is my second mother, she is my role model and a lady with infinite wisdom. So, you might be wondering how this grandmother of 4 and mother of 2, and wife of one extremely abusive man (my grandfather) is any different from all other grandmothers? To you, she's probably not. However, to me she means the world!

Since I was born, Romania was in turmoil as the country was under a communist dictatorship. Basic needs such as electricity, food and water were not available however, women were encouraged to reproduce with zero family planning methods being available (including basic needs for feeding these children). This is a typical communist government scenario however, it is also an era when I was born. No longer kindergartens and schools were a positive place for children to attend so my parents decide to have Nagyi look after me while everyone else were off at work. Here I picked up my mother tongue as being Hungarian. Romanian was not my granny's strong point so this is where I went stray from my native land. Born Romanian, with a mother tongue in Hungarian from birth. Everyone around me spoke Romanian, however I grew to understand it but unable to reply as well.


Because of the scarce resources, a devoted young couple (these being my parents who at this time had 2 very young children) decided to hit the road when things were not getting any better in the country. Refugees in Hungary, mom and dad left everything behind in search for a better world. However, not knowing at this time how long our leader will be ruling. Exactly a year after we left Romania, Ceausescu was shot and voila the Romanian boarders reopened and refugees were allowed to come home again without the possibilities of getting arrested and thrown in jail (which would have been our fate at the time of escape).

The boys continued the search for a better place even farther, in the USA. While they were playing 'Columbus', mom and I were holding down the fort in Hungary. The only time we ever went back to Romania was to meet and greet our relatives, and Nagyi. She stayed behind as a dedicated retired senior in her native land. Later she also became my second mother and my second home. Not sure if I was a difficult child to raise by a single parent but mommzy decided to let me stay in Romania each summer while growing up. Since I know myself, as a Hungarian speaking child, I enjoyed brushing up on my broken Romanian each summer for 2-3 months. Once it was back to school, and back to forgetting the language. Nagyi wasn't the best teacher for both languages but she was definitely the best in everything else.

A friend of mine had the chance to meet Nagyi personally and stay with us. My friend's experience living there for a few weeks was: "I feel like I'm living in an attic of a restaurant. This lady is the best cook, ever!" And she is very correct. A one bedroom apartment with a kitchen separated from the living room only by a curtain may as well be defined as an attic (but cleaner and tidier of course). Her cooking is fanominal, and my mom definitely has those same genes which I unfortunately did not receive. (but you might think, so what, I think my mother is the best cook, and again you are probably correct as we all appreciate home cooking over others). Keep reading :-)

Nagyi was a wonderful cook but she was a wonderful human being who has everything to do with my accomplishments till this day. A little bit about Nagyi: youngest child of 4, married at the latest possible time (in those days) at the age of 25 to a man who has become her worst night mare (which happened most times if not in those days). My grandfather wasn't a good man, not even a decent man. I'm sure he suffered his own childhood traumas, but he for sure tried to tame a woman such as Nagyi. The only issue, this woman was untameable and would soon find out that she would do everything for her 2 children. After 15 years of abuse, my grandmother left the man who she stayed loyal to (even till this day).

This is where it all began. Stories. Nagyi had a bag full of crafts and activities to keep me entertained for 3 months at a time, which is why I wanted to stay with her each summer. Hanging out with my friends would also be on the top of the list for activities to do, but hanging out with granny was the best. Shopping, cooking, sewing, just about anything else you can think of would keep me entertained for hours. We would be sitting in her living room, Nagyi in her chair and me on the couch. TV turned on, and we would both be doing something crafty. These craft sessions also became story sessions. (Such a routine, that even when I went back 2004, 2006, 2009, I would be sprawled out on her living room couch, asking her to tell me stories, with or without crafts in hand).

So there we are, a woman with experience, and a little girl learning to sew. She told me about stories when she was my age, at each of my own milestone. I only realized this now, that I have a complete picture of granny's life. And still there is so much more to hear.

I'm hoping that by dedicating this page to Nagyi, I can go on and explore, reveal those stories which have brought me so much joy. Nagyi told me those stories in order to protect me by not making those same mistakes she did at her age. I'm sure that there are other amazing parents and grandparents out there who do the same: sharing their wisdom. Nagyi learned hers via watching her parents, sisters, but also her own experience and her strength to live and tell her tale. She was alone when my parents moved countries 2-3 times yet she still stayed strong. Not many women can be alone and be as wise, as knowledgeable, as balanced as Nagyi. She's from a very different generation then myself, yet even today not many woman can live life happily under the circumstances she has been dealt.

Nagyi has made the most of every situation she was in. She knows more then any other pharmacist or medical professional because she absorbs information, does her research, and never stops learning. She is a woman I admire and that is why I think she is the best there is.

Thank you for being an inspiration and hope to amaze you one day :-)

xo