Agnes Eva Szilagyi, to you might look little and frail but boy! this woman is the definition of courage, strength and a mother to my uncle George and my mom, Eva Julianna Mares (Szilagyi). She is my granny (Nagyi), she is my second mother, she is my role model and a lady with infinite wisdom. So, you might be wondering how this grandmother of 4 and mother of 2, and wife of one extremely abusive man (my grandfather) is any different from all other grandmothers? To you, she's probably not. However, to me she means the world!
Since I was born, Romania was in turmoil as the country was under a communist dictatorship. Basic needs such as electricity, food and water were not available however, women were encouraged to reproduce with zero family planning methods being available (including basic needs for feeding these children). This is a typical communist government scenario however, it is also an era when I was born. No longer kindergartens and schools were a positive place for children to attend so my parents decide to have Nagyi look after me while everyone else were off at work. Here I picked up my mother tongue as being Hungarian. Romanian was not my granny's strong point so this is where I went stray from my native land. Born Romanian, with a mother tongue in Hungarian from birth. Everyone around me spoke Romanian, however I grew to understand it but unable to reply as well.
Because of the scarce resources, a devoted young couple (these being my parents who at this time had 2 very young children) decided to hit the road when things were not getting any better in the country. Refugees in Hungary, mom and dad left everything behind in search for a better world. However, not knowing at this time how long our leader will be ruling. Exactly a year after we left Romania, Ceausescu was shot and voila the Romanian boarders reopened and refugees were allowed to come home again without the possibilities of getting arrested and thrown in jail (which would have been our fate at the time of escape).
The boys continued the search for a better place even farther, in the USA. While they were playing 'Columbus', mom and I were holding down the fort in Hungary. The only time we ever went back to Romania was to meet and greet our relatives, and Nagyi. She stayed behind as a dedicated retired senior in her native land. Later she also became my second mother and my second home. Not sure if I was a difficult child to raise by a single parent but mommzy decided to let me stay in Romania each summer while growing up. Since I know myself, as a Hungarian speaking child, I enjoyed brushing up on my broken Romanian each summer for 2-3 months. Once it was back to school, and back to forgetting the language. Nagyi wasn't the best teacher for both languages but she was definitely the best in everything else.
A friend of mine had the chance to meet Nagyi personally and stay with us. My friend's experience living there for a few weeks was: "I feel like I'm living in an attic of a restaurant. This lady is the best cook, ever!" And she is very correct. A one bedroom apartment with a kitchen separated from the living room only by a curtain may as well be defined as an attic (but cleaner and tidier of course). Her cooking is fanominal, and my mom definitely has those same genes which I unfortunately did not receive. (but you might think, so what, I think my mother is the best cook, and again you are probably correct as we all appreciate home cooking over others). Keep reading :-)
Nagyi was a wonderful cook but she was a wonderful human being who has everything to do with my accomplishments till this day. A little bit about Nagyi: youngest child of 4, married at the latest possible time (in those days) at the age of 25 to a man who has become her worst night mare (which happened most times if not in those days). My grandfather wasn't a good man, not even a decent man. I'm sure he suffered his own childhood traumas, but he for sure tried to tame a woman such as Nagyi. The only issue, this woman was untameable and would soon find out that she would do everything for her 2 children. After 15 years of abuse, my grandmother left the man who she stayed loyal to (even till this day).
This is where it all began. Stories. Nagyi had a bag full of crafts and activities to keep me entertained for 3 months at a time, which is why I wanted to stay with her each summer. Hanging out with my friends would also be on the top of the list for activities to do, but hanging out with granny was the best. Shopping, cooking, sewing, just about anything else you can think of would keep me entertained for hours. We would be sitting in her living room, Nagyi in her chair and me on the couch. TV turned on, and we would both be doing something crafty. These craft sessions also became story sessions. (Such a routine, that even when I went back 2004, 2006, 2009, I would be sprawled out on her living room couch, asking her to tell me stories, with or without crafts in hand).
So there we are, a woman with experience, and a little girl learning to sew. She told me about stories when she was my age, at each of my own milestone. I only realized this now, that I have a complete picture of granny's life. And still there is so much more to hear.
I'm hoping that by dedicating this page to Nagyi, I can go on and explore, reveal those stories which have brought me so much joy. Nagyi told me those stories in order to protect me by not making those same mistakes she did at her age. I'm sure that there are other amazing parents and grandparents out there who do the same: sharing their wisdom. Nagyi learned hers via watching her parents, sisters, but also her own experience and her strength to live and tell her tale. She was alone when my parents moved countries 2-3 times yet she still stayed strong. Not many women can be alone and be as wise, as knowledgeable, as balanced as Nagyi. She's from a very different generation then myself, yet even today not many woman can live life happily under the circumstances she has been dealt.
Nagyi has made the most of every situation she was in. She knows more then any other pharmacist or medical professional because she absorbs information, does her research, and never stops learning. She is a woman I admire and that is why I think she is the best there is.
Thank you for being an inspiration and hope to amaze you one day :-)
xo
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