2 phone calls, one good juicy life -lesson

Phone call #1

July 14 @ 10 am and my phone rings. It's my travel buddy and she's telling me that the trip is off. Our flight leaves at 8 am on the 16th. Shit Renata, now figure this one out in the next 24 hours.

I hang up the phone, and head to the kitchen where my German friend is having breakfast. We met in Fiji and he is backpacking Oz. When he needed a place to stay, it was natural that I would offer a bed to stay a few nights. But I did not think that he will have to put up with my dilemma this morning. I am in the 'lost' zone: that's a place in my head where I smile and act normal but my head is processing all information 100x the speed of light. I am now googling in my brain: money, places to stay in Bali, my family, decisions, meeting friends at 12:30 for lunch as promised, getting my German friend to the bus station, my sheer existence and purpose in this world, etc. It's almost like a tsunami in my own head where everything I know and information I keep in there spills over my brain mass. The only difference is that I do not get a cooling effect from this experience. The opposite happens in fact. I produce heat (which is a nice feeling and something new when you live at Hawken Dr.) lol

10:30 am
Red in the face, I say morning to my friend. I tell him the news about my trip and he says: "aw that's bull-shit" in the best German accent. hahah I smile and said no worries, I will still go.


2:30 pm
Lunch with friends. Hours later we are all excited b/c Renata is going to KL and Bali alone!!! She can handle anything. My head is still flooded by the tsunami from the AM ....but the excitement and the encouraging words of friends make me think: "Comon Renata, you are old enough to travel alone. You got this. How hard can it be to travel in a high-security, annual terrorist attack-type of place, where westerners are hated dearly. A white-Caucasian female should have a blast, right?"

Wrong!

This thing called my gut, others call it instinct, and in nursing we calling ...hmmm I believe we called it nursing-instinct (it's something other than scientific evidence but gives you the appropriate and positive outcome) was turning and the shakes were coming on. This physiological response occurs to me when my body is trying to get my head to catch up and work together. My head tends to be a tad behind schedule at times. Not always, I mean, I have made it to the ripped year of 25 but at times I do get burned b/c the brain is lagging.

Something doesn't feel right here.

Each time something big happens (using a trip as an example) I start off thinking: ok this time I won't get my parents involved because they will get worried for me. And every time I thought this, it worked (this however occurs at a time when I am fully prepared, know everything about my trip, and my parents have only a few minutes to say bye, give me kisses and I'm gone with the wind). Another reason would be because my back-up plans did not involve anyone but myself and my own 'plan B's. However, in this case, my parents and some friends were going to be my back-up in case of disaster (now that my friend is out I did not have time to find info on anything, so if I was stuck they were it). If ANYTHING were to go wrong I don't think I could forgive myself (Ok, so remember, I know nothing about KL and Bali b/c I did not research anything about these places. Why? B/c my travel buddy said she's got it under control, and well, I believed her). I have a strong belief in making decisions and choices based on my own resources: money, time, energy, back-up plans, etc. I never go into something if I cannot fully commit to it ALONE (getting myself into and out of trouble). Since I have been providing for myself, my travels, my hobbies or anything I pay for for that matter is outside of what other people can afford to help me out with. Therefore, how could I ever expect someone else to help me out with my luxurious get-aways when something goes wrong. Unrealistic really.
(plus, it comes with being independent and getting used to enjoying luxurious get-aways before lol)


Overall, at 5pm I am still thinking that I am going. I have already made arrangements with another friend to get me to the airport and now I sit and wait for the parentals to call.

10 PM
I finally talk to mother and she's not happy. If you would know my childhood you would understand my mothers concerns. I do not look fro trouble, but trouble has had some close calls with me. So I listen like a good daughter should, and for the first time I felt the same scare my mother was feeling for me. Strange, is this something that comes with age?

I said one thing and one thing only. Call my brother please. Never in my 25 years have ever called on my brother for anything. We think very different. His answer was no, please do not go. I listened. Not because of him but because of what went through my head at that time: I knew that if I went to Bali it would require the whole family to worry. It would consume everyone even family in Romania. It would worry some friends but not much, however if I needed help it would put pressure on great friendships. My brother's no made me realize how much people actually care about me. Everyone who has been there for me, encouraged me to travel have wanted me to just sit this one out. I want to sit this one out for the sheer reason of me and my decision as well. I have to be happy with my choice and can't blame it on anyone else.

I feel very lucky to have such wonderful people in my life who care so much about me. Going to a silly 9-day trip with a possibility of something happening (even if nothing would have, just the sheer thought that something could) was not worth for putting these relationships on the line. In the long run, I want to build my relationship with my family and to this point I have put enough strain on these people. I am filled with adventure and ideas but never once considered others who worry for me. It feels amazing once you turn back and notice. And I think this was the right time to turn back.

I finally talk to my travel friend and we had a little tiff about what exactly happened. All day I was in the 'zone' but by this time I was furious. It has finally hit me (what is going on) and I now have the courage to explain my concerns. Life is difficult for her and I completely understand that. But just because my life is one dimensional (compared to her's) it does not mean that I can drop a few hundred dollars b/c her life is a mess right now. This sauga is still in the works and not sure what exactly will be resolved ...but IT WILL be resolved today.

I might lose a friend on this one ...but have gained a special lesson about relationships and listening to my instincts. When traveling, alone or with someone, there are people who worry for me. I don't think I will ever travel the same from now on. I now understand the responsibilities I have and owe to these people (who care for me) to make mature decisions about where I go and what I do. If I do not feel prepared for an adventure I will not attempt it because if anything were to happen the results effect everyone of these loving individuals.
(It took me 7 years of traveling to finally learn this lesson and I am very happy that I get away with only a few scrapes in Fiji hahah)



Phone call #2

July 15, and I feel like crap. I don't want to socialize with my German friend but I have to try and be nice. We chat in the morning while we have breakfast and then he's off on his adventures again. He's going to Byron and I wish I could go with him but I have the urge of going to campus and figuring out my life in the last week of holidays (school starts in full force the 26th).

As I'm walking to school my phone rings. Don't recognize the number but I'll answer just to see what is up. At first I think it's the phone company and I'm ready to hang up. Then the gentleman on the other end of the phone says something about Synchro ! OMG, it's the club president. We end up talking about stuff which have been bothering me and I have been worried about. There is the usual synchro politics and to be honest, after just 2 days of coaching I was ready to quit. I am just too fed up with BS and at this point I need zen in my life, over qualified or not. He called to explain his concerns with the out-going coach and that he wants me to take over the club. He has given me the ok from the exec and that everyone is behind me 100%

"everyone behind Renata 100%"

Is there a theme here :-)
I am back on cloud 9 and loving life !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am given full charge of the club and the teams. I am going to be coaching both Wed and Sat. And because I am not going on this trip anymore I will be around to get involved much more and get the ball rolling for the Oct 1st competition. Talk about a phone call from out-a space :-)

I have said this oh 100 times if not more and could keep repeating myself over and over: but I am one lucky girl! I don't know how but I have no control over my life yet it is the BEST life for me :-) I don't organize much but something always happens for my benefit.

"everything coming-up Renata" - is also my favourite quote I learned from someone, and I think it's the most appropriate at this time.

2 phone calls and one life-lesson later, I am back on track and loving how busy I am :-)
(now I just need a little karma in my career and can't ask for more)

I think that's all I can explain for now...

Chee with Suay Nqam (life is beautiful) - this is in Thai thanks to my lovely friend who brought this to me from her trip in Thailand !!!

xoxox
R :-)